Learning to Lament
We just completed a two-week mini-sermon series over How to Lament with Biblical Hope. You can find those sermons here (Part 1) and here (Part 2).
I wanted to give you all just a quick summary of both sermons, in case you missed one, or are interested in going back and listening again. Like most Biblical topics this is one that we must intentionally think about and practice.
In the first week, we covered what Biblical Lament looks like. This is important for us, because people in our country, and in the North American church aren’t good at Lament. We can short-circuit God’s mercy to help us in our pain. But when we lament Biblically we open ourselves up to God’s healing mercy.
One-third of the Psalms are Psalms of Lament. We looked at Psalm 77 and how this Psalm is a great example of how we can Lament. The Psalmist works through five postures or actions in the Psalm: 1) He turns to God, 2) He complains to God, 3) He asks God questions, 4) He remembers the faithfulness of God, and 5) He trusts God.
Working through these five things is a great place to start in allowing God’s mercy to meet us in our pain.
In the second week, we look at how we lament Biblically together. Again, this is something we don’t do well. We have the tendency to retreat into our pain, which short-circuits God’s plan for healing. However, when we lament together we open ourselves up to God’s healing mercy.
Lamenting together also requires us to love each other well in our pain. But this is easier said than done. How do we become the kind of people who let others into our pain rather than retreating from it? How do we come alongside someone who is in incredible pain? What do you say? Can you say too much? What should you do? Wait, or just act?
Here are a few practical ways to come alongside someone in crisis (taken from Steve Cuss’s podcast, which I’ve linked to below):
“Keep the light on” metaphor: Letting them know you're there by doing small things without asking. Little text messages, leaving things at their door, having things delivered.
Saying things like: “I’m going to do your laundry unless you tell me not to… I’m going to bring you dinner tonight unless you tell me not to…”
Don’t ask, “let me know if there is anything we can do to help.” That gives the already tired and overwhelmed grieving person another job.
Give options, “I can sit with you, or bring you food, or I can check in next week.”
If you can’t think of anything at the moment, a hug and an “I’m so sorry” is a great start.
The application was: 1) Be Comforted by God in Jesus, 2) Know others and Be Known, and 3) Respond lovingly to those who are in pain.
Resources to check out:
Steve Cuss’s podcast episode, with Aimee Patrick who lost her husband suddenly a few years ago. She gives some great practical advice to help people in their suffering.
Mark Vroegop’s book Dark Clouds, Deep Mercy. This is a great easy book to read over Biblical Lament. This was my primary resource in preparing the two sermons.
Lamenting Exercise:
Take 5-10 minutes and write down your answers to questions one and two below (if doing this with other people, share your answers with each other). And then: 1) Pray by naming your losses aloud to God, 2) Telling Him how you feel, and 3) Asking Him to hear you. Again you can do this alone (or together with others).
Name your losses: a broken relationship, a dashed hope, an unfulfilled dream.
Tell God how you feel, "I miss so and so, I wish things were different, this hurts, I'm angry.
Ask Him to hear you, lean on Him, "Lord hear my prayer."
